having a weird feeling..... is like very sad and feel helpless... so messy!!! later in the morning must go for the run..... i don't feel like running!!!! so many problem yet to settle...... so many.... haha

everyday is like the same old day..... kept on emoing... can't stop thinking of a lot of things i shouldn't think of... wanted to have a big rest... but i can't...

wanted to called people to go out and then chat so that i can stop emoing but they don't have the time.. so i don't even dare to call them out liao.... i really stop thinking of a lot of things...

yesterday someone in the morning message me, a number which i don't know who is it... at that time, i thought that is the person that i really really wanted to chat with... but end up is another friend of mine.....

haizzz... i think i will keep on daydreaming until one day, the dream turn real...

till that day then.......

yesterday went for the competition and then what happen? one of out team got 3rd place... haha.. what a good training plus the effort they made before the event starts.....

today went to lot 1 with marcus just to walk walk around.. but it seems that the competition had past so long.. so long that we didn't even feel like talking about what happen yesterday.. so we went to popular to look at books... then suddenly one friend of us appear when we least expected... when he say hi, i knew there is something wrong liao.. just as i thought he is with them?! so i quickly shoo him off then trying to act calm and continue to walk around.. but it just seems that i wanted to see her but dun dare and don't know how to. so we just pretend that we didn't saw them and continue walk.
whew... pass them without much problem but there is one thing in my heart... i wana talk to her!!! arghhh... never mind.. is over, i can't rewind the time le.. so just let it be and hope there will be another time we will meet each other again...

untitled.....
it was a good day from Thursday morning till evening... heard that my OC wana change the competition team members.. but it didn't happen, because the forms had been submitted up to HQ.

the reason of my OC wana change it is because my team commander is still very blur of doing 1st aid case... and can't make decision to command the rest.... so actually meet a senior NCO for a meeting session.. wanted to change the commander. but then he is not free tomorrow for the competition.. haha ( so it didn't have a change)

so during the meeting i ask some stupid question. and got myself hit.. stupid right?... i really just wanted to know the answers!! but never mind.. that's what i wanted to ask.. itch mouth..

everything just seems to be so fine from the starting of the first training in corp till 2 days ago.. really thought that it seems to be so "alright".. haha

never mind. i will be all right in front of everyone and act that there is noting wrong, since tomrrow might be the last time i will be free liao. nvm at least there is this blog for me to say what i wana say. because i don't think that she will really read it.. even though i told her to read it.. maybe tomorrow there will be a letter from me to her. and that's it.

yesterday i told marcus and emerson that i m realli quite tired already.. maybe its time for me to have a long rest... a long long one.......

i really wanted you to really know what i really think. i m sorry...

you had promise me to go OTC... i will promise to let go of it. kk?.. thanks

thanks to those which really have to look at my idiot blog... haha thanks a lot...

lastly, good luck to those going for competition tomorrow!!!

this few days....
past few days a lot of thing really happen. after the camp, there is training on Monday (4days ago).. i m happy because there is training and interview... most of all there is a person that i wanted to see badly.. and that day was my 1st day after so long i really get to talk to her... although at times she piss me off due to talk a lot, i m really happy because she is there helping me. i really wanted to thank her. and really wanted to chat with her...

people would say that i can go msg her... true, but i don't have her number because she change her number. i know that i can go back and see her and chat with her, but after the competition training. i wont have the time to go back school for training and ..... find her....... due to my off is going to used up for this competition training. i m not going to call her or ask her out because i don't even have the time to go out due to army.. is all my fault all this time. i am truly sorry. i really wonder will she really forgive me..

after Monday training, i really had no mood to go back to work due to mix feeling, about the training, is it enough. and... her.... really had no mood but still carry it back and work. and because of this i eventually piss someone off,... i m really sorry.

on Wednesday night, i when to another school for a campfire, we help to do it because they are having it for the 1st time... and at 11pm plus, one of my instructor msg my OC and tell him that she is having flu and she can't go training and because of this, i had to take my urgent off in the morning today. and nearly got scolded because is really too late to take off.. i told my cadet that they must really get a 1st place or 2nd so i will feel worth while to take the off today...

the really best thing is that i at last saw her scold my cadet after so long. ( what is this!?) i m really happy about it because at last she really did what i use to tell them to do last time.. i swear that i m really happy.. she give me a conformation that i really can relax about my corp already..

i m happy today that i get to see her again... but today might be the last or last second time i will be able to see her again. i really hope i can really get a chance to have her number... at times my friends told me to get her number from them and msg her. or told me that i actually can have her number myself because we got the record of the info of everyone. but i didn't because i really wanted her to forgive me and give me her number herself.

things really change a lot..hopefully she did notice that i change a lot. and she really did change a lot... hopefully things will get much better for me.. hopefully she willing to give me the chance.. pls and thanks a lot... i just wanted to tell her that because i m not sure did you really forgive me, i didn't add you on anything facebook or what so ever.. please..

hope that she really can have the chance to see my 1st post till this post.. thanks

what a nice day......... not.....
today get to use the computer because i m totally not at home.. i am at my school combine UG camp. but i am not under them due to competition training for cadets... those instructor which knows us well get to play a lot of thing last night . we had 6 computers in a bunk... lots and lots of food, steamboat... haha i don't think anyone would believe we can do this.. everyone had a nice night.. watching movie, DOTA, battlefield, facebook, eat steamboat the whole night.. now still having people watching movie.. shoik lah.... haha.. so tired now. but i cant sleep.. because later gt train shot case.... haiz...

i will write this much.... later when i m free at night, i will blog again lo... haha

emo?
things actually happen long before today.... it happened seven months ago.. i thought that i had already forgotten about all the past and move on until that day when my buddy and i were in a jungle for training.. although is way past bedtime, but he is sad. so i listen to what happen.. he told me that he misses his ex girlfriend which the girl broke up with him.. is a really sad story. he really misses his ex soooo much until i can't believe it. he is a tough guy from the outside. i can never imagine that he is that soft.. pray hard that he can get her back!!!

at that point of time, i realize that i had never forgotten the things at all. time flies fast.... yet noting had really happen. how i wish i could just chat as a real good friend again....

in the first place i thought 2days ago when i really met her after so long, can have a chat, but it didn't happen... my hopes are really high.. but when i saw her, it really makes me happy for that 2 to 3 hours (due to rushing down to another place for home nursing training).. even though we never chat much..

did i really miss her so much? m i emoing everyday?

i really wishes that i could really have a nice chat with her 1 day... maybe she will really know that i had change.. maybe.... please make it happen.......